I'm tired...

I hate Fridays. And.... I love Fridays. Of course, Friday signals that start of the weekend where I know I'm going to get some sort of rest, but Friday also means coming home (which is good) and realizing I'm going to have to leave again in a short amount of time (the bad part).

I got home today around 4:30, unpacked my stuff, and laid on the bed while Joe was cooking dinner. And then it hit me - in 48 hours I'll be walking out the door again. When I signed up for med school, I knew it would be hard, but I had no idea the hardest part would be the emotional taxation. Being apart from my home and Joe every week takes away part of me that, I think, would allow me to relax a little more. Medical school is stressful alone, and add being away from your spouse all week and the stress compounds. Not to mention working full-time, and I often feel like I'm going crazy.

I find myself counting the days until my last exam of M1....



And make it my mantra that I only have ___ more days left.

For you pre-meds out there that stumble upon my blog, medical school is hard. There's stress, anxiety, the feeling of helplessness, being overwhelmed, like it will never end. Eventually, it does, but when you do the happy dance of excitement that you got in, remember that on the first day of class, your life dies. You no longer have free time for your friends and family. You get the signs and symptoms of sleep deprivation. You learn to appreciate coffee, black, and strong. You look forward to federal and university holidays and weekends, not for rest or relaxation, but because you have extra time to cram all the material into your head.

"They" say it gets better, that first year (and second year somewhat) are the worst for academic-induced sleep/life-deprivation. Having had a clinical rehab career for 10 years, and watching my mother go through med school, I know this to be true. I know it gets better, and that any night on call in any rotation beats cramming for exam after exam as an M1. However, I'm stuck as an M1 right now and really wanting it to end. I want to live in one house. I want to wake up every morning next to my husband. I want to come home every evening to my husband and my house. I'm tired of a futon as a makeshift bed. I'm tired of spending more time with roommates than my husband. I'm tired of trying to juggle work, school, and study. I'm tired, tired, tired!